Fitbit: Causing Extreme Emotional Distress for Lawyers Everywhere

Fitbit, Inc., the maker of the popular wearable activity tracker, has seen its share of litigation. Back in 2014, Fitbit was hit with a class action lawsuit in California over complaints that the trackers caused skin irritation. Recently, it found itself the target of a second class action suit due to allegedly liberal readings from the tracker’s sleep tracking function. Those lawsuits are all well and good, but they pale in comparison to the new suit on the horizon – the one to be filed by us here at Abnormal Use.

Here’s the skinny. Wanting to join the fitness craze (and advocate for a product featured on this blog), we purchased our very own Fitbit Charge. We followed the instructions to program the tracker and set our goals for daily steps, active minutes, floors climbed, and calories burned. Thinking we were well on our way to Herculean fitness, we even got on-board for the Fitbit challenge known as the “Workweek Hustle.” But, here is the rub. Despite our religious wearing of the Fitbit device and following the instructions to the letter, we finished dead last in the Workweek Hustle! In fact, in the world of Fitbit, we are apparently the laziest of bums incapable of winning any trophies.

The lawyers at acknowledge that the Fitbit fails to account for the all the strenuous activity one goes through with the daily doldrums of being a lawyer, especially during periods of extensive preparation for a federal trial. While other Fitbit users are marching towards Penguin March and Skyscraper badges, we attorneys are made to believe that we have the activity level of a vacationing snail. Such a realization is clearly hazardous to one’s health. We reviewed the packaging thoroughly and clearly Fitbit has failed to warn us of such a danger.

After first notifying the Consumer Product Safety Commission, we plan on filing suit on behalf of all other similarly situated lawyer Fitbit users. Certainly, we will seek an exorbitant amount of damages due to extreme emotional distress, but we are looking for more than a mere monetary settlement. We won’t stop our crusade against Fitbit until all activity trackers add monitors for legal research, motion writing, briefing, telephone calls, and trial preparation. If Fitbit refuses to add trackers that make attorneys feel self-important, then their product shouldn’t even be on the market. We are sure the CPSC will agree.

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