Seinfeld’s Jackie Chiles is Back, Honey Bears Targeted
Winnie The Pooh, beware. Jackie Chiles is coming for you. Chiles, the flamboyant and opportunistic trial lawyer of “Seinfeld” fame, has been retained by Jim Beam to enjoin bears everywhere from continuing with their honey theft.
So what’s Jim Beam’s beef with bears? Well, the Kentucky bourbon whiskey brand has developed a new product infused with honey and liqueur known as Jim Beam Honey. It appears that honey production has been depressed by a decline in the honey bee population. Even though the supply is waning, Jim Beam needs its honey – and it is willing to fight the largest consumer to get it.
Speaking to the media through his handlers, Chiles had this to say about the suit:
“Bears are egregious, devious, and just plain mischievous! . . . I’m here to go on the record – with Jim Beam Honey as my witness – to ensure that sweet, mouth-watering justice is served!”
With Chiles leading the charge for Beam, the bears may be in trouble. For their sake, we hope the bears have Vincent Gambini on speed dial.
We here at Abnormal Use are glad to see Chiles back in action. We are typically not fans of frivolous lawsuits, but Chiles is a friend of the blog. (We previously scored an interview with Phil Morris, the actor who brought Chiles to life). We have no idea what will happen with the bears, but for some reason, hearing about Chiles’ revival makes us want to buy a bottle of Jim Beam Honey. In fairness, though, we probably would have done that anyway.