Spoiler Alert: Cannibalism is Bad (According to Gloria Allred)

We here at Abnormal Use normally wouldn’t waste time on someone frivolous and unserious like Gloria Allred.  Okay, who are we kidding?  We love it when people say or do dumb things.  And this week Gloria Allred gave us a real gem when she remarked: “cannibalism is a serious issue and is very dangerous to the health and well-being of the cannibal and victim.”  Seriously, those words came out of the mouth of a licensed attorney.

Yovonka Bryant, the self professed girlfriend of the man killed by police as he gnawed off a homeless person’s face, stepped forward last week to speak out against what her attorney called a growing scourge: cannibalism.  Her attorney is, of course, none other than “celebrity” lawyer Allred.  At a bizarre Miami news conference, Ms. Allred stated, “Yovonka and I are very concerned about the issue of cannibalism and the number of cases that are being reported . . .”  She added, “It is very important that the social taboo and stigma that have long been attached to this subject continues and that society condemns cannibalism, rather that trivializing it or glamorizing it.”

We think Ms. Allred has hit a new low, which is quite an accomplishment given her past body of work.  Of course, arguably, this is just par for the course for her, and she certainly seems to think so.  When questioned at the press conference as to why Ms. Bryant would need an attorney or press conference to discuss such a ridiculous topic, Ms. Allred stated, “[t]his is a high-profile case . . . . I make no apologies for being here to support [Ms. Bryant].”

Where would the world be without such legal scholars?  I wonder if she had to do any Westlaw research to verify that cannibalism was, in fact, dangerous.  Perhaps she consulted with medical experts.  Either way, we appreciate her legal scholarship and diligence in bringing this matter to our attention.  In fact, just this afternoon, the wife and I were debating between gnawing someone’s face off for dinner or heading to Trader Joe’s to grab some sushi.

Thank goodness for Ms. Allred’s PSA.

(Hat tip: Overlawyered).


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