On behalf of myself, my wife, and my young children, I would like to take a moment to thank Oklahoma County resident Lindsay Williams for her courage and willingness to take drastic measures to bring national awareness to an all-too common medical condition that is tearing our communities apart. Ms. Williams, we owe you a debt of gratitude for doing what was necessary to bring this unfortunate disease into the national spotlight.
On April 1st at around 12:30 p.m, Ms. Williams was dining at a local Oklahoma City establishment when, through no fault of her own, she was forced to assault a fellow customer. You see, Williams was hungry that day. Scratch that, she was hangry. If you aren’t a member of the medical community, you may be asking yourself – what is “hangry”? The American Journal of Absurd and Fabricated Medical Conditions describes hanger as “a sudden breakdown of mental and emotional stability resulting from extreme hunger.” According to a 2015 study by the National Hunger-Induced Rage Association, this tragic condition affects over five million U.S. citizens every year. Common side effects include uncontrolled screaming at children and pets; sudden outbursts of hysterical crying; and violence towards inanimate objects. In rare circumstances, patients suffering from extreme hanger can experience vivid dreams of entering into a Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest.
Needless to say, Ms. Williams was not someone to be trifled with on the afternoon of April 1st as the hanger flowed through her veins (and stomach). Her first visit to the restaurant’s salad bar went as anyone would expect. She made a beautiful, plush salad using her bare hands to select ingredients for her plate. Did she use the fancy salad tongs provided by the restaurant? Of course not. She was hangry. There’s no time for frilly utensils when your stomach is growling like grizzly bear and your blood is reaching a boiling point. Apparently the first salad didn’t tame the beast because shortly thereafter, Williams returned to the salad bar for round two. As she compiled the freshest ingredients onto her plate, a fellow customer had the audacity to confront Williams about the use of her bare hands to make the salad. BIG MISTAKE. Acting in what any hangry person would deem to be an appropriate fashion, Williams turned to the customer and promptly punched her in the nose.
Williams didn’t know the stranger was an off-duty deputy with the Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Department. But as a husband and father who often has to identify the early signs of hanger to diffuse potentially nuclear situations around the house, I have no doubt the deputy ignored the tell-tale symptoms of hanger displayed by Ms. Williams. Call it a sudden medical emergency, temporary insanity or assumption of risk… but I give Ms. Williams a pass on this one.