Toothpaste Brand Loyalty Fails To Deliver Girlfriend, User Of Same Sues

As loyal readers of Abnormal Use, you know it is no surprise that product manufacturers often get drug into court over baseless allegations.  A new suit against Unilever Nigeria Limited, however, takes things to a whole new level.  According to an Emirates 24/7 report, a 26-year old Nigerian man has sued Unilever, claiming that the company’s Close-Up toothpaste brand failed to score him a girlfriend.  Apparently, the man began using the toothpaste seven years ago after watching Close-Up television commercials depicting women being attracted to the Close-Up-scented breath of men.  Despite extended brand loyalty, the man claims:

No girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my breath. I always brush my teeth with so much close up gel to make sure the girls get turned on by my fresh breath as they usually show on TV.

The man has submitted seven years of toothpaste tubes into the court as evidence.

We here at Abnormal Use feel for the guy.  We really do.  It was not too long ago that we, too, could have used some help with the ladies.  Nonetheless, as much as we may have wanted that Axe body spray to work like a magnet, we didn’t really expect it to camouflage our less desirable qualities. Sometimes, advertising content is grossly over-exaggerated.  Did those new Calloway irons take 10 strokes off of our handicap?  Unfortunately, we were disappointed yet again.  Aggravation and disappointment, however, provide us with no legal basis for relief. We have not seen the specific Close-Up commercials at issue in this case.  Unless they stated something like, “Guaranteed to get you a girlfriend regardless of your laundry list of unattractive qualities,” we doubt Unilever breached any implied contract or engaged in deceptive practices.  Do people like fresh breath?  Sure.  Can it help you get a date? It’s better than the alternative.