Narrow Minded TV Lawyer Hotness Rankings Debunked

Last week, viral news site BuzzFeed released its “hotness” rankings of the various prosecutors appearing on NBC’s “Law & Order.” A daunting task it is to rank the attractiveness of our television colleagues. While BuzzFeed‘s efforts are admirable, it – like much of the general public – fails to view these TV lawyers for their total package. How shallow of them.

For example, by ranking Fred Thompson at No. 36 on the list, the author obviously failed to account for Thompson’s political career or his commercial work pushing reverse mortgages. What could possibly be more attractive than a politician encouraging others to take out loans accessing the equity in their homes? Obviously, BuzzFeed is ignoring the voices of its senior citizen readers.

And how can Alfred Molina rank a paltry No. 34? He is Dr. Otto Octavius, for goodness sake. We recognize that Spider-Man 2 was the worst of the trilogy and pales in comparison to the Amazing Spider-Man. But, he is still associated with the classic superhero and deserves more credit than a 34 ranking. BuzzFeed must be more a fan of heroes than villains.

As poor as the Thompson and Molina rankings are, they are by no means as laughable as placing Sharon Stone at No. 22. Stone is a legend. She has been dominating these types of rankings since the late 1980’s and deserves some respect. Last time we checked, Harry Connick Jr. (No. 6 on the list) never had a starting role in Total Recall. Ageism rears its ugly head once again.

Thankfully, there is no list ranking real-life lawyers in such a fashion. We here at Abnormal Use would not expect to rank very highly if such a list did exist. Especially, if BuzzFeed failed to account for our work as Old King Cole in our first-grade play.