Breaking News: Sasquatch Spotted In Abnormal Use’s Backyard

We here at Abnormal Use are taking a break from our traditional witty commentary on product liability news to bring you this important announcement.

BIGFOOT IS ON THE LOOSE IN OUR HOME STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA!

And, apparently, he has beautiful hair.

According to a report from Greensboro, North Carolina’s Fox 8, a Cleveland County man, Tim Peeler, came into contact with a 10 foot tall Bigfoot with “beautiful hair” while he was calling for coyotes on his property. Thankfully, Peeler was able to scare Sasquatch away by “rough talking” him. Peeler was able to provide authorities with a sketch of the creature (pictured in the linked video above), observing that Bigfoot has six fingers on each hand. Law enforcement has filed a suspicious person report. The creature remains at large. So, beware.

Peeler is not the first to encounter the creature. Tales of Sasquatch date back to the indigenous population of the Pacific Northwest. Nonetheless, this report has a more meaning to us as it is in our own backyard.

Indeed, we are concerned about the ramifications that a population of sasquatch creatures may have on the legal system of the Carolinas.

Many bigfoot encounters take place when the creature is caught stealing chickens from a chicken coop or messing with other small animals. Had this conduct been that of a coyote or other wild animal, the property owner may have no legal recourse. But, what if the tortfeasor is a large, hairy, bipedal humanoid? The creature may be too human-like to be considered an animal, but is it also too non-human to be subject to suit in a Carolina court? Questions like these must quickly be addressed by the North Carolina legislature.

Even if Sasquatch could be sued, he is likely uninsured and judgment proof. Nonetheless, assuming suit is inevitable, he will need legal counsel. We will look forward to that opportunity. After all, Sasquatch has to make for a great witness with that beautiful hair and all.

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